Five Reasons to forgive your parents – Part 1
Consider yourself enormously blessed if you have no beef against your parents. Maybe they were so perfect; you would not be surprised if they walked on water.
Or.
They were not water-walking suspects, but you forgave them, and you are at peace.
There are still others, many of whom have excellent parents. These parents, however, missed the mark sometimes, unintentionally inflicting lifelong pain on their children. Then they’re those whose parents were, irresponsible, reprobate, negligent, and abusive. Some parents even encourage their children into sinful, criminal, and immoral activities. Very damaging stuff.
It doesn’t matter what category our parents fit into; we must forgive them. God holds us responsible for what WE do, not what they do. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but crucial if we want to deal with the hurt healthily.
Forgiveness is the key.
Forgiving anyone can be tough to do. Two factors contribute to this; the degree of the offense, and the relationship we have with the offender. The thing is, the more we trust someone, the deeper the hurt, and the harder it is for us to deal with the offense. This makes it much more difficult to forgive. If you’ve ever been betrayed by a close, and trusted friend, you know what I mean. Now think about how much a child trusts a parent.
Little children expect their parents to love, protect, provide, and guide them. It’s a parent’s God-given responsibility to teach their children lovingly, so they grow up to be moral, God-fearing individuals. I believe most parents succeed, even though they make mistakes. However, some are hardcore failures. That’s when forgiveness is hardest. That’s also when forgiveness is most valuable for us. It has more value than all the money in the world because money cannot buy what forgiveness offers.
Some people say little children are very forgiving. Really? What happened then? Did they grow up and change their minds?
My unscientific conclusion is children bury the terrible stuff their parents do to them. They don’t even know what’s happening to them. They just know they hurt, they cope by hiding the hurt in their soul where it festers and does its destructive work.
Forgiveness clears the slate and frees us from the hurt, and hard feelings against
our parents.
By the way: You don’t have to have a face to face, write a letter, text or phone, to forgive. That’s not what forgiveness is about. You may be estranged from the offending parent, or he/she may even have died. You realize you could say, “I forgive you” without really forgiving. You could do all the “right things” like invite them to Thanksgiving or go to their house for family gatherings and still hate them. Forgiveness is a heart issue. Forgiveness must take place in your heart.
They don’t ever have to know you forgave them.
However, YOU must be SURE you have.
Also, you can forgive them and have no personal relationship with them. Maybe they haven’t changed and you don’t want to be around the toxicity. In cases like that, it’s best to stay away and avoid confrontations and the temptation to disrespect them.
Of course, the ideal situation is to forgive and establish a healthy relationship. However, for numerous reasons, that’s not always possible. Don’t fret over it. Pray about it, and trust the Lord to work it out, (Philippians 4:6-7).
You are worth it!
When we forgive we are released from the consequences of not forgiving. This makes us free to enjoy the blessings of God’s forgiveness. When children forgive their parents, God gives them a bonus blessing that’s not available when we forgive anyone else. This blessing is reserved for those who honor their parents.
1. God commands us to obey and honor our parents.
Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.
2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise:
3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
The proof is in the blessing
There’s a story in Jeremiah 35 that’s not taught in Sunday school. God used a family as evidence to support His charge against the people of Judah how they disobeyed Him. (Jeremiah 35:1-6, 15.) God told Jeremiah to bring the Rechabites to the House of the Lord and give them wine to drink. They went with Jeremiah but refused to drink the wine because their father, Jonadab commanded them not to drink any wine! They obeyed this command for generations.
What did God do? He blessed them and all their descendants! (Jeremiah 35:18-19.)
What we do sets the tone for future generations!
2. You are not likely to obey your parents if you don’t forgive them.
Case in point:
The story of Isaac, Jacob, and Esau. — Genesis 28:1-9
Esau was Isaac’s first-born, and as was customary, entitled to the family blessing. However, his twin brother Jacob tricked him and stole the blessing. Esau was angry with his father for blessing Jacob instead of him. Because of his anger, Esau disobeyed his father and married foreign women. To really stick it to his dad, he married a descendant of Ishmael, his father’s half brother. There was a bitter family feud between Isaac and Ishmael that started with jealousy between their mothers (Genesis 16:5-6, Genesis 21:10).
So Esau succeeded in dishonoring his father with his humiliating betrayal. Although he received an inheritance, it did not go as well for him as it did for Jacob. His actions also affected his descendants. Jesus, our Savior and Lord, is a descendant from the tribe of Judah, one of Jacob’s sons. The Edomites, Esau’s descendants are missing as if they never existed.
It's not popular to obey and honor parents in our culture today.
Disobedience and dishonor is promoted in just about all arenas in our culture — not just in families. We see it even in places it would not be expected. It’s in church, government, school, and the workplace. It would seem there’s a contest to see who can be the most disrespectful. But. There’s a well kept secret:
All contestants are destroyed — winner and loser!
Understand this; to disobey and dishonor our parents is the same as dishonoring and disobeying God!
There’s an evil spirit that feeds this behavior (Ephesians 2:2). The purpose is to destroy us. This spirit motivates, and influences the disobedient to do all kinds of things that displease God. That’s not good for us, Ephesians 2:3. The reality is sin destroys.
God is good and does not want to destroy us. He makes a way for for us to be saved from the destruction the devil wants for us.
We can change course.
Jesus is the answer
Ephesians 2:3-6
All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much,
5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)
6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
There is a choice: Culture or Christ.
If you chose Christ you can begin the change by praying for your parents.
Forgiveness Prayer For Your Parents.
Father God. I am sorry for disobeying You, and disobeying and dishonoring my parents/mother/father. I repent for this, also for the sin of unforgiveness towards my parents/mother/father. I forgive my parents/mother/father for what they/he/she did to hurt me. I ask You to forgive them by the blood of Jesus. Please forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Father God, I ask for Your Holy Spirit to help me to obey and honor my parents as You command. I realize You want to bless me with the blessings reserved for those who honor their parents. I submit to Your will. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Amen.
What do you think?
Do you see why it’s important to forgive your parents?
BLESSINGS!
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Thanks juilette for bringing light to this very important topic . indeed ! Forgiveness is a gift, it’s a two way gift. in fact the forgiver and the forgiven both are recipients . This clear message not only tell the reader what it is but also how to be released from it’s nasty web. Thanks for taking the time to share. I’ve been blessed